Pain-Free Bottoming: The Sexhalation Method

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Straight Men Come Out Already

Apparently, they called it a "bro-job," which referred to the oral sex the male rowers occasionally engaged in with one another in the showers back in high school. Or at least that's what my friend told me. Neither he nor any of the other guys on the team identified as gay, but according to his reports, they would often hook up post-practice, but "like bros, you know? Not in a gay way."

Every time we talked about it, we always stalemated on the same issues. How can a guy hook up with another and still be straight? Isn't the act of hooking up with and sexually desiring someone of the same sex inherently gay?

Jane Ward may attempt to shed some light on this in her up and coming book, Not Gay: Sex Between Straight White Men. Crotch-deep in the world of "straight guy-on-guy action," Not Gay explores the ways in which straight men engage in sexual activity with other straight men. According to the NYU Press release, "Ward illustrates that sex between straight white men allows them to leverage whiteness and masculinity to authenticate their heterosexuality in the context of sex with men."

But controlling for race, can engaging in homosexual sex really reaffirm a man's heterosexuality? Can being with another man make him more straight? Or is it more like the "one-drop rule" -- one homosexual interaction and you are forever labeled gay? All of this begs and points to the million-dollar question: Is it the act or the person that makes someone gay or straight? And to this, I look to the split between "identity" and "preference."

I believe that there is a distinct difference between "gay" and "homosexual." By definition, homo- and heterosexuality refer specifically to a person's sexual attraction or preference. In other words, it merely relates to whether the individual prefers or is attracted to partners of the same or opposite sex. Meanwhile, "gay" and "straight" are identities or social categories, which can only fully be assigned to an individual when self-proclaimed, either via declaration or coercion. Thus, I believe that a person is not truly gay until "out," or in the worst-case scenario, "out-ed."

Following this logic, I think that an out gay man can have sex with a woman and still be seen as rightfully gay. While the preference and act may be heterosexual, the individual identifies as gay, and identity trumps act. However, as soon as the roles are reversed, everything feels highly suspect. If a straight man has sex with a man, how can he still be straight?

I posit that this suspicion comes from the nature of the LGBT identity as self-selecting. Because sexual orientation is unlike other forms of identity, which are typically seen as inscribed on the body at birth -- race, gender, ability -- sexual orientation and identity can only be known by the individual. You mark it yourself, ideally, if and when you are ready to do so.

At the same time, we live in a hegemonically heteronormative society. What this means is that "straight" is the presumed default. So, while the gay man must internalize, come to terms with and re-present his sexuality back out into the world, the straight man simply has to be born. Everyone is straight until proven guilty.

This puts straight people in a tenuous position, as their sexual identities never have to be proven outside of the act of sex. Which is why, I believe, straight men who hook up with other men are regarded with such sexual suspicion. To the third party observer, these identities have gone unchecked and unquestioned, and because of this, it is unclear if these actions are part of the individual's preference and identity or the beginning of a self-exploration process that may end in a gay declarative.

So, to Ward's Not Gay point, I think straight men can engage in homosexual sex and still be deemed socially acceptably straight, if and only if they too come out -- as straight. Rather than simply accepting their unmarked, default straight identity, they should have to interrogate, work through, accept and ultimately present their sexuality back out to the world.

Everyone should go through this process of self-identification. Think about what you prefer. Why do you prefer it? Are you OK with that? If the answer is yes, keep going. Keep questioning it. Keep rethinking what it is that you like and how it changes. And if and when you're ready to tell the world, do it, unabashed and unashamed.

I honestly believe that if everyone did this, the world would be a more understanding place. Through the process of sexual and preference based interrogation, people would realize that sexuality is a fluid spectrum, with preferences ebbing and flowing through all forms of attraction. And while identity may encompass specific subsets of these spectrums, the mere act of questioning them individually would do away with much of the long held beliefs, assumptions, and prejudices surrounding marriage, partnership and equal rights.

So, bottom line: coming out shouldn't just be for the gays. It should be for everyone -- a coming of age process that all people are lucky enough to take part in. And if you do that and bro-jobs are still your thing, by all means, proceed. No questions asked.

Proper Way to Groom Your Pubes

You wouldn’t whack your way through a forest’s uncharted territory without devising a strategy first. So the same should apply to clearing the path to your private parts: That thick thatch of hair is sprouted atop sensitive terrain, where even the slightest misstep can send you to a world of hurt.

In fact, emergency room-worthy injuries sustained while grooming pubic hair spiked 5-fold over an 8-year period, finds a study in the journal Urology. These included painful things like cuts, rashes, scrapes, and abscesses.

So before you take the pube-free plunge, follow these seven tricks to groom your own crown jewels. We bet you’ll clean up like royalty.

#1. Don’t Multi-task With Your Tools

If you’re trimming, use a pair of scissors designated solely for your short-and-curlies. That means the pair you employed to snip a stray hair on your head—or, even worse, to cut lettuce in the kitchen—must not venture below the belt.

“There are certain bacteria and yeast that live in your groin area, and you don’t want to spread these to other parts of your body,” says Anthony Rossi, M.D., an assistant professor of dermatology at Weill Cornell Medical College. Otherwise, this can cause fungi, like jock itch or ringworm, to spread.

Remember, before you start snipping, wipe down your scissors with rubbing alcohol, and give your hands and your manhood a good scrub down. This will help create a sterile environment so you’ll be less likely to develop an infection.

Also, before manscaping, you need to learn its pros and cons.

#2. Lay The Groundwork

Nearly 50 percent of women prefer their partner to be either totally or partially hair-free, found a 2014 study from Indiana University. If you want to take the plunge yourself, it’s important to set the stage the right way.

You don’t want to start by taking your razor directly to your lush, luxurious bush—that wouldn’t be a pleasant experience, says Rossi. Whacking back an untamed hedgerow can cause skin irritations like razor burn, itching, or stubble. And when long, stubborn hairs snag on your razor blade, it can cause seriously painful cuts.

“If your hair is long, trim before shaving using clippers,” Rossi advices. “Since pubic hairs are coarser and have more curl to them, it’s easier for the hair to curl back into the skin and cause an ingrown hair.”

Trim to a short length, but not right to the surface of your skin—cut to about 1/16 of an inch. This will allow you to keep your hair well manicured easily with clippers and avoid potential ingrown hairs.

#3. Get Wet—And Hot

Don’t forget this: Shaving your pubes when they’re dry is a bad idea. Instead, wait to manscape until after you’ve taken a hot shower. That will make the process smoother and less abrasive, meaning you’ll be less likely to cause some nicks, says Rossi.

Shaving after a shower is helpful because the warm temperature allows your skin to soften, and loosens dirt and oils. Plus, the water will help naturally lubricate the area and prevent hairs from pulling, he says.

But lathering up with your regular old bar soap won’t cut it, either. You need to use shaving gel, which is more moisturizing. Look for alcohol-free gels that contain aloe, says Rossi. These can help prevent irritating your delicate parts.

#4. Shave Right Away

If your grooming goal is to get smooth, you’ll need to shave in the direction of hair growth, not against the grain, suggests Rossi. Look which way your hair is pointing toward and shave smooth, even strokes that same way.

This will help you avoid the dreaded after-shave stubble and trapped ingrown hairs. The method is also less likely to cause irritation or bumps, since your razor won’t be tugging hairs in a direction they aren’t used to going.

#5. Use Extra Caution on Your Balls

Your scrotum and shaft in particular are prone to many skin folds and grooves, which can easily be nicked or cut.

In fact, those areas have been proven to trap huge amounts of bacteria—when you shave them, even a minor cut or laceration can cause bacteria to get inside there, says Brian Steixner, M.D., Director of the Institute of Men’s Health at Jersey Urology Group in Atlantic City. This can very easily cause abscesses, and something called Fournier gangrene.

Use your non-dominant hand to pull your skin taut before you go to town with razors, trimmers, and scissors, Rossi says. This will smooth out the area and make a slip less likely.

And to be sure you’re hitting all your tricky angles, try standing over a portable mirror in a well-lit bathroom.

#6. Clean Up a Cut

Even if you’re super careful, you can still get a nick down below.

So if you accidentally slip up, don’t panic. “Make sure to clean the area thoroughly with soap and warm water, as well as alcohol,” advices Rossi. If you’re dealing with just a superficial cut, apply pressure with a damp piece of toilet paper so your cut can clot. Hold firm pressure on the bleeding area for 10 to 15 minutes without peeking; this should stop all minor bleeding.

If bleeding doesn't stop after 15 minutes, or if blood appears to be pulsating from your cut, call your doctor. A deep cut may require stitches to close the gash.

#7. Finish the Job With Moisturizer

It’s common to feel irritation or a must-scratch-it-now sensation after shaving. “That’s caused by the sensitive nature of the skin down there, as well as the curved nature of the hair follicle,” explains Dr. Rossi.

You can prevent that prickly feeling with a good dose of post-shave moisturizer. Look for a soothing lotion that contains aloe or camphor—this will help reduce the itching and ease irritation, he says.

But if those problems persist for several days or more, you might have folliculitis—an inflamed hair follicle—or a bacterial or fungal infection. Visit a dermatologist, who can ID your condition and prescribe possible treatments, like steroid or antibacterial creams.

Is Your Penis Good Looking?

We look through hundreds of studies every week at Men’s Health, and we’re always impressed at some of the strange stuff scientists spend time and money researching.  

For example, Swiss researchers recently wanted to explore whether women think guys with surgically corrected hyposadias—a birth defect in which your meatus, or urethral opening, is on the underside of your penis—have regular-looking rods.  

As part of the study, the scientists asked female participants to rank which factors they considered most important in an attractive penis. File this under “requests that are only acceptable in a lab setting.”

Turns out women don’t love any particular penis trait. They rated overall genital appearance as the most important factor, followed by pubic hair.

Super precise characteristics like penile length, look of the scrotum, and position and shape of the meatus rounded out the least important qualities:

ILLUSTRATION BY JUSTIN MILLER

“Women perceive a wide variation of penile appearances as normal or good-looking,” says study author Norma Ruppen-Greeff, M.Sc. 

Nothing mind-blowing, but here’s the nice thing about the results: While you might feel self-conscious about a schlong that comes up short or balls that hang a little low, women don’t focus on any one area when they judge your Johnson—they look at the total package. (To discover what she really cares about in bed, check out How to Pleasure a Woman, the ultimate guide to becoming the best lover she’s ever had!)

So you just need to freshen up. You always look your best after a haircut, right? Researchers from Indiana University found that 75 percent of women say they would like their guy to trim down below, so here are 7 Tricks You Must Follow When Grooming Your Guy Parts. 

Sprucing up your schlong can also make you feel sexier, boosting your confidence both in and out of the sack, the study says. 

These firemen from France have released the most stunning 2016 calendar you’ve ever seen

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Rules for Looking Great in Jeans

Stick to these do's and don'ts to avoid every-day fashion fails

A humble youth, a rebellious adolescence, and now years of easy stability: You and American blue jeans have a lot in common. Jeans are the most democratic piece of clothing in your closet, but the so-called everyman pants don't look the same on every man—or in every generation. Maybe Seinfeld's high-waisted jeans (and high-top sneakers) were okay in the '90s, but they look dorky today. President Obama, who's worn frumpy dad jeans in the past, has learned the error of his sartorial ways. With a little guidance, you can do better too.

Rise Above the Fray
Buying jeans with whiskering at the pockets, fading on the legs, and a few minor abrasions is a convenient way to avoid a long break-in period. But if you opt for the distressed look, keep it minimal and choose your scuffs wisely, says Francine Rabinovich, founder of Denim Therapy, a denimrepair shop in New York City. If the damage is on areas that distress naturally, such as knees and back pockets, you're in the clear. But if it's in odd places, like the shins or thighs, it'll look fake. "It's just so inauthentic," says Rabinovich.

Don't: Be a Clean Freak
The less you launder frayed and distressed denim, the better. The processing that creates the whiskering effect and fading degrades the integrity of the fabric, so your jeans can wear out quickly with excessive laundering. And when you do wash them, don't toss them in a dryer and further damage the weakened fibers. Instead, turn them inside out and air-dry them flat, advises Rabinovich.

The Length of Your Shirt Matters
Too short and it looks like a crop top; too long and nobody notices how great your jeans fit. The proper shirt should fall around the top or middle of your back pocket, says Durand Guion, VP and men's fashion director at Macy's.

Don't: Tuck and Run
For every shirt you own, decide whether you plan to wear it tucked. If yes, leave it long. If not, take it to a tailor.

Yes, You Should Wear White Jeans
Just be sure to nail the fit. "White isn't slimming, so the jeans should be a little snug," says Guion. Then avoid the bright, pastel, Miami Vice look; rustic accessories, like a chambray shirt with suede desert boots, look great.

Do: Change Shades
If white seems too bold, try sand-colored jeans. They're subtler, easier to keep clean, and still hipper than khakis.

Treat Your Jeans Like Dress Pants
Yes, even your denim deserves a trip to the tailor, says Greg Sato, a Los Angeles designer and marketing manager at Levi's. "Jeans can be dressed up," he says. But they won't look good unless they fit you correctly.

Do: Give It a Spin
Run your jeans through a wash cycle before having them altered. They're cotton, so they'll shrink slightly.

Or, Hell—Just Cuff Them
Want to save a tailor's fee? Just roll the legs up. But the trick only works with selvedge or otherwise stiff denim that already fits great in the waist. And the legs should be narrow—don't even try it with your boot-cut jeans.

Don't: Leg Out
An office-friendly cuff just covers the top of your shoe. If your socks show before you sit, the cuff is too high.

Pick Your Cuff
The Single: It's quick and classic: Just fold up the bottom 1 1/2 inches and crease it.

The Double: Fold it up 1 inch and then give it an extra roll. Go higher for a casual look.

The Messy Triple: Feeling leisurely? Roll a half-inch cuff, double it over twice, and leave it rumpled.

Sex Positions to Maximize His Size

The ancient sex manual the Kama Sutra categorizes men and women by the size of their lingam (penis) or yoni (vagina). Men are hares (on the smaller side), bulls (medium) or horses (whoa, Nellie). Women are deer (small), mares (medium) or elephant (hey Kama Sutra, think of a more flattering description than elephant, k?).

Even though the Kama Sutra calls a hare/elephant combo a "low union," if you have that situation going on, here are 5 sex positions that will make him feel like a horse in your deer.

1The Slippery Mermaid

Switch positions in missionary so you're on top, with your legs pressed together between his. Support your weight with your hands, and have him slide in between your legs to enter you. Since he's on the bottom, he can thrust extra deep inside you, and you'll get the clit-stimulating benefits of girl-on-top. Plus the weird power reversal vibe makes this feel a bit subversive which can be super hot.

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2The Really Good Dog

Doggie style is great for those with a small-penised partner, because he can penetrate you as deep as possible. You can also change your position to make you both feel like you're taking him more deeply. Try resting your head all the way down onto the bed or arching your back 'til he's hitting you in exactly. The. Right. Spot.

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3The Slow Slider

Missionary turns into a whole different sexy slide-y beast if you just clamp your legs together tightly. Rock your hips slowly and you will slide up on down on his penis in a completely delightful manner. Turn your knees in to change up the angle and you both will swoon. Guaranteed.

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4The Press 'N Play

Lean over the edge of the bed, presenting your ass fetchingly. He gets one hell of a view, and doggy style lets him take you super deeply, using your hips for extra leverage. Hell-ooo vaginal orgasm.

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5The Mortar and Pestle

In-and-out can be kinda meh with a smaller member, so try a circular grinding motion for more amazingness. Get on your back, tuck a pillow under your butt, and open your legs wide. Have him enter you and grind against each other, rubbing your clit against his pubic bone, and letting your moans and movements tell him how much you're liking it. (And oh, you so will be liking it.)